Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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