He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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