Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm too high and old for this...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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