How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize