I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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sick fucks of a feather flock together
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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