yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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