I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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