I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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