We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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