Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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