Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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