actually, I'm a sock model
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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