I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize