Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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