she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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