if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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