He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize