So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Less talking, more tequila
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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