3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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