Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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