I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize