that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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