I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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