tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize