literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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