Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize