I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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