cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't turn off my feet"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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