The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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