Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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