so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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