What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
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It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
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Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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