they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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