the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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