im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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