If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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