remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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