He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize