Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize