At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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