Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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