let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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