i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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