I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
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Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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