Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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