Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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