I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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