a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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