she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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