This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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